Forgiving & Forgetting In Relationships

A key principle to remain light and stable in relationships is – forgive and forget – it’s a well-known principle – one that we sometimes find difficult to practice. It can be modified to forgive to forget. Sometimes we spend many years with so much bitterness inside us for a particular person, with an inner violence of wanting to make the other person pay (emotions of revenge), the one who has supposedly hurt you. If you don’t strike back immediately, you at least want to keep this guilt card in your pocket, to be pulled out at a later date: Oh yes, well what about the time when you.

We keep this bitterness inside us because we haven’t forgiven. 𝐈𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧; 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧, 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐮𝐬 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐮𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐞. 𝐒𝐨, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐞𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐟 𝐰𝐞 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞, 𝐰𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭. When someone has offended or insulted us, the last thing we want to do is to let go. And yet, if our desire is to have a healthy, lasting relationship, that is exactly what we’ve got to do.

Sometimes, when it is a question of a broken relationship of any type, it is not only a matter of forgiving the other, but of forgiving yourself for having allowed yourself to enter that experience. It was you who took the step to allow that experience to be entered into.

If you hadn’t taken that step, you wouldn’t have had that experience. You accepted that challenge, that relationship, and what might happen in it – you were aware of the possibilities when you entered into the relationship. 𝐒𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 in such situations. Only then will you be able to forget?